Bluebird

Bluebird

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him，
I say， stay in there， I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him，
I say，
stay down， do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever， I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say， I know that you’re there，
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back，
but he’s singing a little
in there， I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep， but I don’t
weep， do
you?

"The Last Night of the Earth Poems" Chales Bukowski

「ミセス」の6月号に載っていた小沢征良のエッセーに紹介されていた、チャールズ・ブコウスキーの詞。
エッセーでは一部しか掲載されていなかったけれど、ネットで見つけてきた。
小沢征良は、「涙がこぼれた」と書いていたけれど、私もとてもうたれる。
自分の中にもやはり、小さな、誰も知らない青い鳥が、人の寝静まった夜しか出て来れない小さな青い鳥がいる・・・